Eight tips to help survive mom guilt

By: Jane Lintelmann

“Who run the world? Girls.” – Beyonce

Beyonce may have said it best but it’s the working moms across the world that are proving her point day after day. Growing up, my mom had a (more than) full-time job and I always admired how easy she made it look. She was the first to get up and the last to go to sleep in our house. She never missed a soccer game, we took family vacations, and she was always around. When I talk to her now about those years, she laughs it off and talks about how much I didn’t know was happening behind the scenes. She mastered the balancing act of life as a working mom, and to me, she was amazing. 

When I became pregnant with my first daughter, Harper, I immediately knew my life would change. My real estate career was taking off and I knew that I wanted to continue hitting the ground running despite a new baby. Once I overcame the shock of pregnancy, I started thinking about how I would really “do it all.” I, of course, went crying to my mom for advice. She told me the raw truth of what it would be like, not the fairy dust and glitter of how wonderful and amazing it will be. The main thing I recall her saying is, “You are not superwoman; you cannot do it all. Embrace the imperfections, just survive.” 

Five years and two amazing daughters later, I am here and surviving! I helped co-found Busby Group as director of operations while also working as a full-time broker. My career has blossomed into something I could only dream of, and I push every day to set a positive example for my girls. It has not been all flowers and roses though, really far from it to be honest. But over the years, I have taken to heart all of the advice the working moms in my life have shared. Now I want to share some of those tips with you in the hopes that it helps you survive this crazy and wild time. 

Create a rotating village
The first thing I’ve learned is the importance of creating your own village. Over the years, my husband and I have built a roster of help and support we can lean on. Our biggest plus was asking the kid’s daycare if they have any teachers who babysit outside of school. We were surprised to hear that about half of them do and at a normal hourly rate! We now use about three on a rotating basis along with select family, friends and neighbors. Another tip: rotating is important so that your kids get comfortable with all sorts of people!

Eliminate comparison
A cringe phrase for me, you ask? Mom guilt. But it’s almost impossible to avoid it when we are all surrounded by social media with influencers sharing their (supposedly) perfect kids and families on the daily. My advice? Unfriend. Stop following. Keep swiping. I always feel the mom guilt around the holidays when these people share hundreds of perfectly wrapped gifts, coordinating outfits and amazing decorated homes. Let’s be real, nobody’s home or kid is that perfect!

Flexibility is a life source
Covid changed our entire daily routine, and with that it helped me realize the importance of working as part of a flexible and understanding team. Do I want to keep my kid home again from school because they have a cough? No. But do I have a choice? Not really. Busby Group is 100% woman owned and operated, and many of us are also moms. There have been many times that I took my kids to an inspection or showing or had to nurse in the car before a walkthrough. I won’t even tell you how many times my kids have colored next to me at the table while I was on a Zoom. But this is life, and it’s comforting to know that my team is supportive, not just for me, but also because this support bleeds into how we treat our clients. Children are unpredictable, so we always welcome them for home tours, Zoom appointments and whatever else makes life easier. 

Outsourcing saves time and sanity
Outsource, outsource, outsource.  Instacart, cleaning person, laundry pickup, snow removal, public library, Target pickup. The list goes on and on. Places like the library, fast food play places and Target pickup are free game changers. Not having to get out of the car means you can continue to talk on that work call. And yes, a cleaning person and snow removal can be costly, but remember to weigh out the cost in terms of your time…and sanity! Bonus: Busby Group has ALL the contacts. Just let us know what you need, and we can send you a vendor to get the job done. 

REST
And finally, if not most important, the power of rest. When the baby sleeps, we sleep? Hilarious. We all know that is far from the truth, but we also know how poorly we function on team no sleep. I know moms who get up and drink coffee hours before their kids wake because that is their alone and rest time. I couldn’t get up early if you paid me, which is why I am more of an 8PM in bed watching Housewives kind of mom. Find what works for you! A few of my mom friends also highly recommend taking a weekday off once a quarter to do something for yourself while your kids are at school/daycare. 

You’re amazing
What I am trying to say with all this is that you are doing great, momma! At the end of the day, our kids are our biggest fans no matter what. They don’t care if you didn’t finish the laundry, dust the blinds or assemble homemade goody bags for their school’s Valentine’s Day. They just want you to be the best mom you can be, and I can assure you – you are! 

One last tip
PS: If you’re reading this as a mom, please share a “mom hack” that has helped you over time. You can text, email or tag me on social media. I will share them as I get them so we can all put them in our repertoire. I will go first – after a long day I love putting my feet into the bathtub while the kids are in there for a massage. It’s not exactly The Peninsula but the warm bubble bath while the kids scrub them with their toys is fun for them and me.